I'm Leaving Prison in 2 Weeks, Why Am I So Sad?

Notes on Reentry

Years ago, I read an essay by a man recently released from prison, in which he wrote movingly about his mixed emotions: joy tempered with sadness. The sadness stemmed from his leaving good friends behind. Even then, myself a long way from release, I knew that would be an issue for me, too.

The good friends I’ve made in prison have sustained me all these years. Leaving them behind, to deal with what can only be described as continuously worsening conditions, feels like a betrayal. Like they should be the ones leaving, not me. Even more so since they are cheering me on, providing last minute connections, and expressing vicarious joy.

But that’s not what has me weepy. The culprit: a strikingly beautiful one-year-old yellow Lab named Stevie, who I’ve been raising since October 28, 2024, as part of a service dog program. He is quite literally my best friend. And I’m never going to see him again. We’ve made so many memories together, and nursed each other through hardships (several unexplained illnesses for me 2 weeks recovering from neuter for him). For over 6 years in Fishkill, I’ve enjoyed the company of these special pups. Stevie is the fourth I’ve raised from 8 weeks old.

Just writing this brings tears to my eyes. Hemingway wrote that you meet good people in the trenches. It’s been the case with me, culminating with Stevie. I can’t think right now about our impending separation.